Thursday 19th July

The move out to the flat in Daspara, although it sounded great and talking about it made me feel like I was going to be really useful, the reality is not turning out like that!

I could perhaps cope without internet access if I had some company in the flat, but even though I have been coping fine with going out on my own, shopping on my own etc, living on my own is a bit too lonely for me. And whereas Hatibagan school is something I am very passionate about, and have been managing solo, this further step out of my comfort zone is proving too challenging and has left me feeling a bit lost.

The past few days have involved a lot of waiting around. I am unsure of my purpose at Daspara School; it’s a very well organised school full of qualified and capable teachers, so it seems unnecessary for me to be there apart from as a visitor. And all the desks make me miss the chaos and movement of Hatibagan! To be apart from the children there for even two days seems too long, and makes me really miss them! I came to see them, and to spend more time with them, but I have tried to keep myself open to new opportunities to serve. I am in more need of prayer than ever. It has all of a sudden become very difficult for me to be on my own here. I am uploading this from the BMS guesthouse, where I have returned for the weekend, to reassess where I want to be and what my purpose here is. My heart tells me to just stick with going to Hatibagan every day, but since that is just in the mornings, I don’t want to be left with all these free afternoons!

I need some clarity. And some company! Plenty of that at the guesthouse though.

Please keep me in your prayers,

Love from Rebecca xxx